JOB WEEK: The Job

Well, ladies and gentlemen, this is the conclusion of Job Week.

Yes, Job Week has been an interesting venture, and if we have succeeded both Stuart and I will be enslaved by the white-collar bourgeoise (that's a word which you think you know how to spell until you spell it) within a qautroseptuennianight.

Luckily, none of you know how long that is exactly, so this whole thing could be a complete sham and you wouldn't know it. We might not even be in Scotland. Ever think about that? Yeah, I bet you're thinking about it now...

Thank you to Anonymous for your useful interview tips including batting your eyes and coming in sweaty. My employers are now going to let me take every second Wednesday off to help me avoid further epileptic attacks.

In other news, we are still waiting for our box with holes, though a special shout out goes out to Sara who suggested naming our future dog Fox McCloud. Damn, that game was awesome. (For everyone who did not own a Nintendo system, please see here.)

And that's all the news that's fit to print! Please be advised that we will be embarking on our second weekend haitus on Saturday, April 4 at 0:00 hrs GMT and will not recommence operations until Monday, April 6 at 0:00 hrs GMT...or when we get around to it.

It's time to pretend,

John from Canada

JOB WEEK: The Interview

Greetings,

Today is part 4 of JOB WEEK and it explores the interview process. To further this idea i have prepared a list of questions and answers that should never be asked or given during a job interview.

Questions

1. What is the policy on sleeping with co-workers

2. How many sick days are we allowed taking

3. Would I be expected to come in everyday?

Answers

1. Umm, I like to slaughter chickens and play W.O.W in my spare time.

2. High school really wasn't for me

3. No I won't need a parking pass I ride my horse to work

4. Public school really wasn't for me

Enjoy the video.

I shot the sheriff,

Stuart from Canada

Video slow or not working for you? Download it by right-clicking on the link below and selecting "Save Target As..."

JOB WEEK: The Waiting

Hello again and welcome to Day 3 of Job Week.

As part of job week, I decided to draft up a list of the jobs that I think would be just fabulous to have. Here they are:

1) Google Streetview Driver:
Description: Drive around for hours in amazing cities supervising equipment taking pictures for you.
Perks: Free travel. Free pictures. (Assumedly) Free accomodation. You could also get your friends to dress up as wizards or stage a mugging in the background of one of your street pictures.
Drawbacks: A lot of driving. You're also liable to lose your job if the privacy campaginers get their way.

2) Gatekeeper
Description: "Alright, Master Hobbit, I meant no offence. It's my job to ask questions after dark."
Perks: Hobbits. Also, you don't have to shave for work.
Drawbacks: High likelyhood of being crushed by ringwraiths searching for said hobbits.

3) Dog Walker
Description: Run in big, flowery fields with loveable Golden Retrievers and Labradors.
Perks: I WANT A DOG, GODDAMMIT! WHERE IS MY BOX WITH HOLES?!
Drawbacks: I think you actually might have to scoop the dog poo if it's your job. I still wouldn't.

4) The Queen
Description: Talk to Obama. OMIGOD SHE GOT TO TALK TO OBAMA! Some crown-wearing also.
Perks: Talking to Obama. OMIGOD SHE GOT TO TALK TO OBAMA!
Drawbacks: The Queen Consort. General requirement of being a woman. Being blamed for how you handled that Diana thing.

5) Popular Mechanics for Kids Host
Description: I know that show has been off the air for years, but wasn't their job so cool?!
Perks: Where do you even start? Rocket ships, blowing stuff up, skydiving, Elisa Cuthbert, shooting guns, science, probably some candy too. Oh, and money. Lots of money.
Drawbacks: Um...if you can think of any, email me.

So that's my shortlist. Corss your fingers for me!

And now, please enjoy Part 3 of the 5 part Lastoke miniseries JObHUNT.

Goin' 'round the outside, 'round the outside, 'round the outsiiiiide,

John from Canada

JOB WEEK: The Hunt

Hello,

It has been 64 days since our intercontinental flight from the frigid North and so i'll take this opportunity to recognize this special day, 4 days past two months and 26 days before 3. In completely unrelated news we now have not one but TWO very ugly couches at Chester St. However with its pink cushion highlights and wicker frame this new couch is the clear winner of the 'What a Fucking Ugly Piece of Furniture' contest.

Furthering my tradition of inappropriate transitions, John and I want a dog. Any dog will do so if you want to see John and Stuart with a dog send any breed of dog by post, with air holes, to our address. As a reward for anyone who sends us a dog we will try our best to find the best dog name EVER. If you have suggestions we welcome them in the comment section and we will try to keep you as update as possible on names we are considering. Enjoy Part Two of JOB WEEK.

Consider the Following,

Stuart from Canada

P.S: Below is a poem I wrote in order to encapsulate how truly ugly our couch is.

The Couch

Stained and dotted with an ugly cover

The couch just reeked it would have killed my mother

Its frame composed of solid wicker

it made me drink my bottled liquor

I sat upon the cushions of stone

the smell enough to make me moan

Yuck, its gross i screamed and cried

its not so bad John gently lied

We thought and pondered what to do

to escape the couch that smelled of loo

So we pushed it into the lone spare room

we sealed it in just like a tomb.

JOB WEEK: The Resume

Welcome back from the weekend hiatus, everybody!

If you closely consult your Lastoke 2008-2009 Calendars, you'll see that this week is Job Week.

What does that mean exactly?

Well, you'll just have to find out.

In other news:

• Heroes of Might and Magic III is impossible to beat with cheats;
• Boiled over rice water has the consistency and appearance of a XXX-rated male byproduct;
• Said boiled over rice water obtains the consistency of flakes of dried skin after thirty seconds' exposure to air;
• And, finally, this house makes me have messed up dreams.
  

Now please sit back and enjoy Part 1 of 5 of the new hit Lastoke series, JObHUNT.

Until next time,

John from Canada