Stuart & John from Canada

Wow, We're done.

2009-08-18T04:10:00.007-04:00

Hello friends,

It is me, Stuart from Canada, your resident sappy goodbye writer. I cannot believe we have made it to this point. After 7 months of filming, toiling, and ridiculous amounts of work we have finally come to the end of the blog. To quote some cliches: It has been a wild ride, where you have to roll with the punches and what you see is what you get. This has been a true coming of age story where NO stones have gathered moss and one in the hand is NEVER two in the bush.

For 7 months John and I have throughly enjoyed, some days more then other, creating travel videos or just plain ridiculous videos. Thank you to everyone who posted and kept our spirits alive and to those who haven't posted it's not to late! A very special thanks again to all HIP members who went above and beyond with their ridiculous commitment to lastoke.ca.

It has been an absolutely absurd journey making this blog and we are both sad and happy to bring it to a close. We hope you all got some enjoyment or laughs over the past 7 months and we will miss everyone.

With that said it doesn't seem like there is anything else to say, so I won't.

Adieu and thanks,

Stuart from Canada

THE FINAL COUNTS:

Videos: 134

Posts: 202

Redheads Seen: 952
[90% in Scotland]

Rainy Days: 59
[Almost certainly more]

Pints Consumed: 205
[Not including wine, hard liquor, bottled beer, or beer served in units smaller than Imperial Pints]

HIP Members: 6
[Come on...]

Countries Visited: 7

Cities Visited: 25

Hours spent on train: >1 billion

Couches Surfed: 12

John's Least Favourite Place: Naples, Italy
Stuart's Least Favourite Place: Milan, Italy

John's Favourite Place: Ghent, Belgium
Stuart's Favourite Place: Ghent, Belgium

Cheapest Pint: 2 euro [Glasgow, Scotland]
Most Expensive Pint: 9 euro [Paris, France]

DAYS TRAVELLED: 205

Nice! 202 posts in 205 days! THAT's service.

Thanks again, audience, and we'll see you on the flip side.

Last in other news ever, I FUCKING HATE PIDGEONS.

Cheers,

John from Canada

P.S: All sections have now been updated for the last time.

The Penultimate Post

2009-08-11T15:47:00.003-04:00

Hey everyone,

Today is our almost last post, because our trip is winding down and very shortly I, John from Canada, will be returning to my homeland to spend months in slave-like minimum wage labour paying off debts.

As for Stuart from Canada, well, he will be carried off to another adventure in a faraway land where internet is just a fantasy in the minds of 13 year old boys with limited access to pornography.

We have had an awesome time creating videos for everyone, especially the people who are checking enough to see this post even after weeks and weeks of absences. From the 10 Day Countdown to Stuft presents... Music Mondays, from those videos where we begged you to comment to those videos where we begged you to let us stop making videos, we have had a blast making most, if not all of them.

Looking back through more than 150 videos it seems like quite a ridiculous legacy to leave to the infinite and unending memory of anonymous internet accounts. In 40 years when my many assorted love children are trying to find out something about their absentee father, they will find this site.

In 30 years when Stuart from Canada applies for citizenship from the People's Republic of China (ask him about it sometime), he will absolutely not mention this on his application. In 20 years, when his first child is getting old enough to use the internet, he will block this site so that he still has some semblance of authority over his children.

In 10 years when I'm applying for my first serious job, I'll be sure to mention this site, because if I still get the job, I'll know I have the most awesome boss EVER.

And next year, when Stuart from Canada and I rejoin once again, we'll watch through all of this and laugh until we piss ourselves at exactly how juvenile we were.

Thanks for commenting when you did (and believe me, it was like pulling teeth to get you to... seven months and five HIP members?! Come on, that section is awesome!) and for watching the videos even when they were terrible, and especially when they were terrible AND more than 2 minutes long.

Because after a week in the internet-less hell of Italy and more than a week of absences 4 mediochre videos doesn't seem to do things justice, Stuart and I will spend the next four days preparing one final kickassest video ever for all the people who still check the site.

And then we'll call it quits, and unless you all send in suggestions for the Best Of section the site will remain much as it is. The HIP section will be updated with all our photos, some videos we never posted, and maybe a couple other things, and I'll fix up the counters and the other sections of the website when I get home to a working computer.

And that's pretty much all I can say. I am still honestly surprised that we did this, that we created such a ridiculous site and then maintained it for so long.

Maybe, just maybe, if you keep checking back, I might finally show you my penis.

And that's all, folks. Stay tuned for the Ultimate Post.

Until next time,

John from Canada

P.S: We're in Brussels, by the way. We left Rome for Naples, which was crap, and now we're here. Just so you know.

I'm sick...

2009-08-02T12:24:00.002-04:00

I'm sick...

I got sick from a combination of too little food, too little sleep, and too much booze. And now I'm walking around in 30 degree heat feeling cold and coughing like a 70-year old with emphazima (correct? who knows/cares... I'm fuckin sick).

I have slept till 2 the past two days, so tonight we take the long ride into Rome to see it by night. If it weren't for the pool here, I would probably be dead right now.

So let me describe today's video to you which is impossible to upload (unless you donate 3 euro by secure money transfer):

OPENS WITH: John hungover and coughing like a ridiculous fool. Stuart behind the camera laughing and speaking with a wrecked voice.

CUT TO: Random shot of MASSIVE party table at our hostel filled with awesome people.

CUT BACK TO: More John hungover.

Repeat.

Gotta go now, but you get the idea.

Cheers and ciao,

John from Canada

News from the Tiber

2009-07-29T05:09:00.000-04:00

Hello everyone,

If you are a little homesick for videos I have a GREAT suggestion for you! Check out the link in the sidebar entitled The Most Interesting Video Ever as it features another bearded traveler, besides John and myself, and his exploits across China.

That is about it. I am now off to investigate more old things but i have got to wake John up first.

Do NOT wake a bearded man,

Stuart from Canada

Roman Times

2009-07-28T13:39:00.002-04:00

Hey everyone!

That highly accurate picture of me comes from my loving sister Chris. I am an inscrutable wannabe journalist type, though I don't think I own any shirt that shade of green. Maybe it would look good on me...

Anyway, I am writing to you from the Tiber Village Hostel and Camping Site 30 minutes from Rome. The place is like a weird budget resort, halfway between an odd sort of bohemian paradise and a nightmare involving strange accents.

I've also never drunk so much. Lesson for all you kids out there: A €3.70 bottle of vodka will taste like bugspray but it's good for two whole nights. Worth it? You decide.

But here's the problem with this strange and wonderful place... there's no wifi. Or there is, but it's €3/hour and is wayy undependable. So, no wifi means no videos.

Because we love you so much, we're going to try to post some pictures of amazing Rome (which has 2000 year old things just laying about the place and some cheap panini) while we're here. And not just for those HIP members.

Anyway, it is time I should be going, but I hope you have enjoyed this introspective into our lives and that you'll stick with us through this long, sure to be bizarre week.

If you say "Drink", you have to drink,

John from Canada

BEACH VOLLEYBALL!!

2009-07-24T14:59:00.004-04:00

Hello again!

Today was an awesometastic day full of BEACH VOLLEYBALL!

That's right, the beach volleyball we promised you several days ago has finally arrived! Turns out beach volleyball players can't play in wind or imaginary rain forecast by the horrendously undependable Meteo.fr weather service.

Besides that, we also climbed a mountain! A big ol' mountain, and saw the whole city from the top! It also had a big ol' Catholic church on the top with a big ol' gold statue of Mary and Jesus. Nice!

So today is our last day in Marseille, and tomorrow we catch a 7am train (that means getting up at 5, folks) to Rome, which will take 13 hours to arrive and require us to transfer no less than three times. Oh yeah!

Tomorrow's video may or may not contain a swimming pool.

Drenched in my own nasty sweat,

John from Canada

Beach Day

2009-07-23T14:08:00.004-04:00

Today was fabulous beach day number two in the RIDICULOUSLY hot southern french city of Marsielle. I know what your thinking "Hot? Sure i've been hot before". Unfortunatley for us I've come to tell you that in fact you have never experienced HOT like the Marsielle kind of HOT (unless you've been to Africa, the Middleeast, or the drier parts of Australia) but otherwise its SO FUCKING HOT HERE!

I'd love to tell you a little more about how hot it is which i'm sure would contain many more expletives but the pasta is ready and i'm hungry.

ALWAYS USE SUNSCREEN FOR THE LOVE OF GOD,

Stuart from Canada

P.S THERE IS A MASSIVE PANTS PARTY THAT THOSE PEOPLE SHOULD REALLY CHECK OUT!!!!

Marseille

2009-07-21T17:30:00.004-04:00

Hello everyone!

Anyone else notice how we've started being very uncreative with the name of our first post from any given city?

Sorry about yesterday, by the way... when you've been travelling as long as we have, you sort of lose track of the days of the week. We had no idea we needed to post yesterday until it was today.

I can tell you what we did yesterday, if you like... we saw HARRY POTTER 6!! With French subtitles! And it was awesome!

I mean the first half was. The second half was still good, but...

Anyway, I'm getting off track. Today was yet another travel day, ending this time in the well lived-in (a.k.a. dirty, but charming for it, not disgusting) city of Marseille, where tomorrow's video will be brought to you from the International Beach Volleyball Championships at Plage du Punto! Oh yeah!!!

Plus, I got to lounge in a warm summer night's breeze listening to one of my favourite artists play a very expensive concert less than 1km away! AWESOME!

So, enjoy today's travel video, and tomorrow we'll be sure to put in some extra kickass.

C'est domage,

John from Canada

P.S: Sorry also about the photos of the week... Stu posted two to make up for it.

Photo of the Week: July 4th-21

2009-07-17T16:50:00.006-04:00

"WHO ARE YOU? WHY ARE YOU TAKING A PHOTO?"

"I WONDER"

Touristyisming Paris

2009-07-17T15:13:00.005-04:00

I'd like to welcome everybody to day 4 of our stay in Paris!

John and I have finally moved out of our hostel, or as we call it "THE WORST PLACE EVER!!"and have relocated ourselves to a nice basement apartment which as previously stated we have all to ourselves. It is situated in an area of Paris famous for its little known burlesque house, 'The Moulin Rouge". In other news we walked a lot today and saw more monuments/structures/thingies.

In addition if you check your lastoke calendars you will see that John and I have been traveling straight for a full month now, and having successfully completed this feat we have decided...to continue.

I cannot do the Can Can,

Stuart from Canada

P.S PANTS PARTY!!!!!!!!!!

Mcdonalds

2009-07-16T11:47:00.005-04:00

Today we saw Notre Dame! It was very cool and our tour was even guided by a Canadian. However, he did seem oddly evangelical and kind of creepy but was otherwise nice enough.

In other news John and Stuart will move from their evil stupid awful hostel tomorrow to go and stay in an empty apartment in the posh part of Paris. A place that was generously offered by an out of town Canadian and thanks to good old couch surfing. Other then that everything is TRES BON! Except for the having no money part.

Nothing rhymes with Champagne,

Stuart from Canada

Paris

2009-07-15T11:25:00.006-04:00

Oh right, the blog...

In our defense, we were camping the first time we missed a post and our hostel in Paris is really shitty and doesn't have internet.

PLUS my computer is broken. But more on that later. And by later, I mean the next time Stuart lends me his computer.

We arrived in Paris on Bastille Day, the national holiday, and spent a very surreal and un-Stuart & John from Canada-like 10 hours, in which we succeeded in not speaking to a single real French person for longer than 10 minutes.

In other news, beer (and everything) is really expensive here. Also, Parisians habitually form lines in front of everything. LONG lines.

Right, I've had about 3 hours sleep in the past two days, so perhaps I'll end it here...

Beware the slugs,

John from Canada

P.S: Because of how completely and utterly fucked my computer is, the following items on the website will not be updated until I can find a monitor to plug into: trip section, about section, contact section, counters, something that confused us, and the photos in HIP Section. Sorry!

Gone But Do Not Forget

2009-07-12T07:16:00.000-04:00

This is a special notice for everyone, Stuart and John from Canada have gone camping. We will see everyone Tuesday. Thanks.

P.S I cant type with french keyboards.

Quickly,

Stuart from Canada

Missed the Boat

2009-07-10T20:04:00.004-04:00

Do you get it?

I know you might be thinking me and Stuart didn't post yesterday because we were lazy, or drunk, or enjoying life, but no!

We were being ironic.

See, we thought it'd be wicked clever to not post because by not posting, we MISSED THE BOAT on posting and the post was supposed to be about MISSING A BOAT! Hells yeah! Digital high-five!

You can't really do that, so instead I'll tell you about where we are and how we came to be here.

We're in Strasbourg right now, a Kingston sized (plus 50k) town in Alsace (northeast France) that is very beautiful and full of ridiculously over-the-top churches. After attending a bass-plus-effects-only concert in a squat in town (which was surprisingly awesome!), we're now drinking and listening to African music in a house designed for two yet occupied by 7 people.

Don't you love couchsurfing? We do!

So we've seen a bit of Strasbourg after a relatively stressful travel day that culminating in missing a boat, missing the boat on posting a video, and drinking very low quality vodka with apple juice and Pastis, a French alcohol that tastes like licorice in a cup. Mm-mmm good.

AND we learned that not ALL Americans are horrible. I know, it's amazing. But some are cool. So give them a try, and, like licorice-flavoured alcohol, you might be pleasantly surprised.

For now, though, enjoy the trials and tribulations of another medium (not great) success travel day and those crazy antics of Stuart & John from Canada in another classic video, "Missed the Boat".

Blogger's started speaking to me in French, and I think it's stalking me,

John from Canada

P.S: See that banner up there? It still means something. Do you have any idea how much work I have to go through to put that at the bottom of each post?! Suggest some Best Of videos, or else we're going to have to take Viewer's Choice off the banner, and that is just WAYY too pompous for us if we just have a Best Of sans Viewer's Choice. I mean, come on. We aren't Lonely Island.

P.P.S: Do you have any idea how much work I have to go through to put a link to the Lonely Island in that P.S?! I mean, the things I do for you. It's 2:19 in France. I could be sleeping. Or drinking absinthe.

P.P.P.S: Now that I've woken up everyone in the room with my noisy typing...jk i luvz u all 4vr lolz.

Not Much To Report

2009-07-08T19:46:00.005-04:00

Today was mostly uneventful in Germany as an extremely flaky host in Strasbourg delayed our departure from Cologne for 1 day. So tomorrow we will head back on the road or i guess back on the rail is more appropriate.

Now that John and I are leaving Germany i thought it'd be interesting to share a few observations that John and I have made about Cologne. It seems that drinking is not just a social activity here but one for every moment of the day. It may be that they have more types of beer then anyplace i've seen before or that the only shops open later then 11:00 are liquor ones. Regardless, drinking is done with a kind of religious fervor in Cologne. Also everyone seems to smoke, which is fine except for now all my clothes smell like smoke... which is icky.

In other news Sandals are much more comfortable then shoes and now that i have some i'm never going back.

My toes are in the open,

Stuart from Canada

Water Fight

2009-07-07T20:23:00.007-04:00

Sup everyone!

Today we witnessed something great. Something...great.

Today we witnessed

Wasserschlacht auf der Domplatte

The greatest event EVER!

Today people went to a greatly honoured religious institution with super soakers and wrecked each other with the awesome power of water.

It really is hard to describe, especially when the wine of a German birthday party has done its work, but luckily, we took videos well before that delectable French wine imported to China exported to Germany took its effect and below is the result. Enjoy!

And to anyone who was at that b'day party, happy b'day and you're all just awesome.

Anywho...

L'chaim to water fights,

John from Canada

PANTS

2009-07-07T04:39:00.001-04:00

PARTY

Blasphemy Mondays

2009-07-06T19:22:00.006-04:00

Hello everyone,

Today is an important date in the history of www.lastoke.ca, because today is the first day of the Lastoke Comments Optimization Program, or LaCOP. LaCOP is the first in a long line of optimization programs sure to be rolled out by the new year.

What is LaCOP, you ask? Well, it's just what it sounds like. Here's a guide to how it works extracted from the Lastoke Corporate Strategies Guide 2009, or LaCorStraGui '09.

LaCOP suggests positive commenting behaviours by implanting good examples in a troubled comments section. Through these "suggestive behaviours", LaCOP encourages the unruly web-viewing public to comment with thorough efficiency and maximum impact.

Are you as excited as we are?! Today, Stuart and I will comment in our very own section exemplifying good comment behaviour! So you better get your comments in there fast, cause this section is filling up in no time!

Now that that has been addressed, a little about Cologne...

Oh wait, this post is too long already! So with that...

My panda is on fire, put it out, put it out,

John from Canada

Photo of the Week: June 28 - July 4

2009-07-05T16:05:00.003-04:00

"ROCK HARD"

P.S: Obsession of the Week and S&J On The 'Pedia have been updated. A fixed Trip section is underway.

Travel Days

2009-07-03T21:02:00.007-04:00

I'm a travelin' man...

Today was another long travel day, complete with hopping on the wrong train and arriving an hour later than predicted. Still, we have once again miraculously found ourselves with a roof over our head, so we can't complain.

In case you're wondering where we traveled to, it happens to be Cologne, the city of heavily scented people (not really) on the Rhine in northwest Germany. Tomorrow, we'll be headed to the nearby city of Bonn to see the Rhinekultur festival, a free music festival with 150-thousand people.

Unfortunately for you, it happens to fall on a Saturday, so...no videos on Saturday...hate to say it, but you know how upset the union would be if we broke the rules...sorry...

Anyway, enjoy some more of the trials and tribulations of those crazy Lastoke boys on their big-city travels!

Cheers,

John from Canada

P.S: Trip section has been updated once again, though most people will experience some problems viewing it. I'm trying to fix it, but it's not on the top of my list. Sorry!

The Tour ein Dresden

2009-07-02T19:22:00.005-04:00

Today John and I participated in a famously prestigious event known as: The Tour Ein Dresden. John and I not only participated but in but also WON the race! Amazing! We didn't think we had a chance because neither of us have ever been the biking types. However, after checking out the race registry we saw that we were the only competitors and therefore had a clear advantage in the race.

In new non-bike related news, if you ever ride a bike for 4 hours remember to bring a seat cushion or a seat adjuster. Also, remember to have a raincoat for when a lightening storm hits and you become soaked.

Tomorrow is another fun train intensive travel day as John and I make our way from Dresden to a yet to be disclosed location. So on monday be prepared for more or less the same calibre of videos and more or less the same jokes, which may or may not include John showing you his penis.

Crepes are NOT pancakes,

Stuart from Canada

Happy Motherfucking Birthday.

2009-07-01T17:37:00.003-04:00

Hey.

So today is Stuart's birthday. Coincidentally, Stuart from Canada is born on the same day Canada was born. I don't mean he's 142 years old. I mean "same day" in the broader sense. Like I'm born on the same day as Liza Minelli. I'm not though, so don't look it up.

Anyway, I woke up this morning thinking, "I'm going to try and make this the best birthday ever! I may have little money, no transport, and be in a strange, unfamiliar country, but I'm going to do it anyway!"

It started out great. We both dressed in the most Canadian shirts we owned, and as we walked through town some German people even stopped us and said, "Ah, Canadian!" and smiled. Stuart and I went to a bakery, or, as they call them here, BACKEREI (they yell a lot), and Stuart FINALLY found some inexpensive yet delicious untopped cheesecake, just like he likes it, AND even some Nestea, which is impossible to find on this godforsaken continent, and we both had delicious deli-made cheese, bacon, and pickle sammiches. Mm-mmm good.

It was even sunny. I don't know if you've heard, but the EU voted into law the Crappy Weather Accord of 2009, which dictated that from the day we arrived in Berlin, all weather was to be either a) rainy, or b) humid, and that sun was to be prohibited if neither condition could be acheived. So sunny was a plus!

The first sign it was all going downhill was the humidity, followed by the rain. I was wearing my big Canada hoodie, and the 30 degree weather was a bit of a pain, but before the rain it was tolerable. But we were still optimistic...we were going to see some more of those pretty buildings in Dresden. So we hopped on the Free-Bahn and headed towards the center of the city.

And then the worst happened.

As the doors slipped closed with the quiet beeping of the warning signal, the man standing directly in front of us reached into his pocket and pulled out a pass for the DVB...the German Transit Authority.

Okay, so what you need to understand is that we're talking the Free-Bahn here. It's free. No charge. But the little catch is that if one of these guys manages to find you and show you his pass, you gotta pay 40 euro.

Each.

We try to pretend we're ignorant tourists, and that doesn't fly. Then we try to pretend that we'll pay the fine, really we will, if they send a bill to Canada. That doesn't fly either. It's now too late to pretend we can't understand English, so we pretend we have no money. They WALK us to the cashpoint.

So 15 minutes later we're out 80 euro and sitting in a square 20 minutes from where we wanted to go, moping in the unbelievable heat about those stupid fuckers who took our money. If they didn't want us to use it for free, why did they make it the Free-Bahn?!

We decide to see the buildings anyway, but then we realise that EVERYTHING in Germany runs on the same goddamn "looks like it's free but really isn't" system and the museums all cost a billion euro. They only charge you this AFTER you get locked in the anteroom to an exhibit. Bastards.

Luckily we made it out of that one and went back to the flat unscathed, and drank half a bottle of wine. The real highlight was supposed to be dinner, anyway, for which we were going to go to the Ontario Canadian-style steak grill in the city centre.

Unfortunately, when we got there we were immediately accosted by unnecessarily loud church bells and an abrasive waiter. The steaks, while good, came with no sides (they were extra) and when we asked for Molson (which was on the fucking menu) the waiter told us "That's not available in Germany."

Plus NO ONE, absolutely no one in that whole fucking Canada-themed place, knew it was Canada day. I mean, come on. The fuck.

We even tried to revisit the tasty bakery to soothe our depression with delicious baked goods, but it was closed.

In the end, though, we managed to salvage a little something by having a few drinks with our hosts in an underground bar listening to a (blind?) man play piano for nothing more than applause.

But here's the deal... since Stuart had such a crappy birthday, and Canada did too in this part of the world, I ask you, our audience, in lieu of a video, to write the best, most heartfelt, most awesome happy birthday comment to Canada and, more importantly, to Stuart, so that we can save some 1st of July spirit after all.

Happy Canada Day everybody!

To Canada,

John from Canada

Dresden

2009-06-30T18:47:00.007-04:00

Hello again,

This time that hello comes from Dresden, the capital of Saxony, biking distance (40 km) from the Czech Republic! Damn, Europe's itty-bitty!

Dresden is, apparently, the Palace Capital of the World, with more palaces than I can count on half a hand. If you don't know, Dresden was the subject of a terrible firebombing in the Second World War. To this day, if you utter the words firebombing at full volume in Dresden, people will flee for their lives to the many top secret underground fire-resistant chambers they have hidden around the city.

Anyway...

Dresden is also the Pretty Capital of the World, since all the palaces they have littered about the place were built in 1999 after decades-long reconstruction efforts following the...well, you know what. At any rate, they're all very spick and span and clean and shiny and lots of other adjectives with some conjunctions thrown in for only 5 euro extra.

So, we've stayed now with a grand total of three very nice Germans and one very nice Pole (i.e., Polish, not an inanimate column-like object), and as I write this I am sitting in the cool evening breeze above a quiet cobbled street on the balcony of a flat near the city centre. Where'd you write your comment? A basement?

So, enough gloating, let's drink some more wine!

L'chaim,

John from Canada

P.S: We've been taking so many PHOTOS, it's like we're having a PANTS PARTY, like, PRACTICALLY EVERY DAY. If you could, I'd ask you to CHECK OUT THOSE PANTS PARTIES REGULARLY.

Berlin...Again

2009-06-29T18:06:00.005-04:00

Greetings,

Today I would like to discuss an odd phenonmenon that John and I only recently became aware of and that is the City Beach. Throughout Germany sand has been brought into city centres and placed near any water source whatsoever in order to create artificial beaches in which to bath and drink and otherwise pretend like their on a beach...what?!? All joking aside though their awesome!

In other news we are proud to annouce a brand new member to HIP. Congratulations to Pam who has successfully posted 20 times and will be sent a username and password at the earliest possible opportunity. Pam can now enter the AMAZING HIP section which has everything awesome plus even more.

Pantz Party,

Stuart from Canada

Photo of the Week: June 21 - 27

2009-06-29T13:37:00.003-04:00

"IN SOVIET GERMANY, HAT WEARS YOU!"

P.S: Obsession of the Week, S&J On The 'Pedia, and the Trip section have been updated. Also, we've taken so many PHOTOS it's like a PANTS PARTY in here.