No, we're not Scientologists!
We just want you to enjoy the newest product from Lastoke, the
Lastoke Personality Evaluation (Online Edition). Fans of the original Lastoke Personality Test will love the new one just as much, only now it is in a compact online form.
Just answer the below questions honestly, visualizing yourself in each situation. Make a selection, and write down your answer. At the end of the evaluation is an answer key. You know what to do: tally up your score and post it in the comments section so you can remember for tomorrow, when we'll post the answer key and you'll finally be complete and confident in knowing who you are.
Here we go:
Question 1You are planning a trip across Europe. You have distant aunts in each of these cities. Which do you choose to visit?
a) The loud and obnoxious, but rich German aunt from Dusseldorf;
b) The finicky yet humorous Italian aunt from Tuscany;
c) The crass yet accommodating Belgian aunt from Bruges; or,
d) The smelly but generous Portuguese aunt from Lisbon
Question 2You have now picked your destinations but are deciding the means by which you get there. Unfortunately, you realise that all major modes of travel are booked, and only the following are available. Which do you choose?
a) Hovercraft with a disgraced Russian cosmonaut;
b) Hot air balloon with a eccentric German mountain-climber;
c) Jet ski with the last Canadian Olympic water sports champion; or,
d) Jet-powered Rickshaw with a wise-cracking Chinese driver
Question 3You’ve figured how to get there and now you’re dealing with border security. A border official looks at your passport and says “This doesn’t look like you.” You inspect it yourself and realise you’ve mistakenly brought your 12 year-old sister’s passport. Do you:
a) Show them a little areola;
b) Distract them with your stand-up comedy routine and hovercraft / hot air balloon / jet ski / jet-powered rickshaw away before they notice;
c) Implicate your driver in the most recent theft of precious art to draw the attention away from yourself; or,
d) Slip them twenty of your finest Benjamin Franklin’s and hope it’s enough
Question 4You’ve reached one of your destinations but you suddenly realise that you don’t speak the local language, and you desperately need medical care. Do you:
a) Start comically impersonating the local dialect in the hope that they will find you funny and help a brother out;
b) Find the nearest phrasebook and try and navigate your way to the hospital;
c) Use International Sign Language to say “Get me to a hospital, I think I am dying;” or,
d) Slip a cabbie a twenty and scream as loud as you can, “DOCTOR, DOCTOR! ARRIBA!”
Question 5You stop for some eatin’ but realise you’ve lost your wallet and can’t pay for the five-course gourmet meal you’ve just ordered. Do you:
a) Tell the kitchen that you can work off the cost as a wise-cracking dishwasher;
b) Grab the nearest dead thing and throw it in your food, then ask for a refund;
c) Eat faster than you ever have before and bolt from the restaurant yelling, “DOCTOR, DOCTOR! ARRIBA!” or,
d) Murder everyone in the restaurant and eat their food as well
Question 6You’ve finally arrive at your aunt’s house and you realize that the disgraced cosmonaut / eccentric mountain-climber / Olympic water sports champion / wise-cracking rickshaw driver has lost your luggage en route. Do you:
a) Forgive them and hope that your aunt has a few spare clothes;
b) Punish them by implicating them in the recent local precious art theft and hope prison is kind to them;
c) Pay them a little extra to retrace your steps across Europe and find your luggage; or,
d) Kill the driver and hope they give you clothes and a toothbrush in prison.
Question 7Your trip is over and you’re flying home. You have several airlines to choose from. Which do you take?
a) Nowings Airlines;
b) EasyCrash;
c) Drunken Jet; or,
d) OH MY GOD, WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE Chartered Airlines
Answer key: Q1(a=10, b=5, c=15, d=0), Q2(a=15, b=0, c=10, d=5), Q3(a=15, b=5, c=0, d=10), Q4(a=5, b=10, c=0, d=15), Q5(a=5, b=15, c=10, d=0), Q6(a=10, b=0, c=5, d=15), Q7(a=5, b=10, c=15, d=0)Remember to post your score in the comments section so you don't forget. Awww, I just realised that that won't work if you post anonymously...too bad...I wish there was a way around that, but shucks, what can you do...
We'll post the answer key tomorrow that'll turn those random numbers into meaningful if a little impersonal interpretations of your deepest personality!
Also, HIP members, remember to send us your full addresses so we can send your blow-up sheep as soon as possible.
Stay cool!
John from CanadaP.S: That "Stay Cool" was for the HIP members only. Sorry regular members, but if you want some of that lovin', you gotta post. Keep chillin'!
