JOB WEEK: The Hunt

Hello,

It has been 64 days since our intercontinental flight from the frigid North and so i'll take this opportunity to recognize this special day, 4 days past two months and 26 days before 3. In completely unrelated news we now have not one but TWO very ugly couches at Chester St. However with its pink cushion highlights and wicker frame this new couch is the clear winner of the 'What a Fucking Ugly Piece of Furniture' contest.

Furthering my tradition of inappropriate transitions, John and I want a dog. Any dog will do so if you want to see John and Stuart with a dog send any breed of dog by post, with air holes, to our address. As a reward for anyone who sends us a dog we will try our best to find the best dog name EVER. If you have suggestions we welcome them in the comment section and we will try to keep you as update as possible on names we are considering. Enjoy Part Two of JOB WEEK.

Consider the Following,

Stuart from Canada

P.S: Below is a poem I wrote in order to encapsulate how truly ugly our couch is.

The Couch

Stained and dotted with an ugly cover

The couch just reeked it would have killed my mother

Its frame composed of solid wicker

it made me drink my bottled liquor

I sat upon the cushions of stone

the smell enough to make me moan

Yuck, its gross i screamed and cried

its not so bad John gently lied

We thought and pondered what to do

to escape the couch that smelled of loo

So we pushed it into the lone spare room

we sealed it in just like a tomb.

Photo of the Week: March 22-28

"MOST ADORABLE GRAVEYARD EVER"

The middle one's named Scamp. Aww...

P.S: This is our 100th post! Give yourself a hand, everyone!

JOB WEEK: The Resume

Welcome back from the weekend hiatus, everybody!

If you closely consult your Lastoke 2008-2009 Calendars, you'll see that this week is Job Week.

What does that mean exactly?

Well, you'll just have to find out.

In other news:

• Heroes of Might and Magic III is impossible to beat with cheats;
• Boiled over rice water has the consistency and appearance of a XXX-rated male byproduct;
• Said boiled over rice water obtains the consistency of flakes of dried skin after thirty seconds' exposure to air;
• And, finally, this house makes me have messed up dreams.
  

Now please sit back and enjoy Part 1 of 5 of the new hit Lastoke series, JObHUNT.

Until next time,

John from Canada

REMAIN CALM

DO NOT BE ALARMED.

THIS IS PERFECTLY NORMAL.

There will be no video posts today or tomorrow, as today marks the first time Stuart and John from Canada will not post videos on Saturdays and Sundays.

Please be aware, however, that we have provided you with some bonus material to satisfy your insatiable appetite.

First, we have updated "S&J On The 'Pedia" and "Obsession of the Week".

Second, the website has been slightly redesigned to better accomodate changing information about our future travels.

Please check out the new and improved "Trip" section which will be updated regularly by clicking the "About Our Trip..." link on the sidebar.

Some other sections of the site have changed slightly, so be sure to click around.

And that's all for us for this weekend. So...

Cheers and goodnight,

The Lastoke Team

Unlimited Words with a Side of John

Hey there,

Today John and I discovered the secret to total technological slavery. Today we spent several hours conversing with one another while in different rooms, all thanks to the modern innovation of MSN. Thanks MSN. Instead of communicating like humans we decided to take the 'blue pill' and give in to the matrix.

In slightly less aggressive sounding news, I have a zit on more forehead. Fuck! I knew something was going to spoil job week. Oops i've said to much. John also coincidentially has a forehead zit so we are temporarily changing our names to 'Stuart and John from Canada who have Forehead Zits'. I know, sounds pretty catchy.

Tip of the Day: Never mix Nutella and Peanut butter. Although both may taste delicious individually when put together they...well, just don't do it.

Take the time,

Stuart from Canada

P.S Happy 2 month anniversary.

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Evening News

Hello again,

Today, amongst cleaning the house from top to bottom, rearranging furniture to cover fake tan stains (see the Chester Street Switch), and making a ridiculous amount of fusilli, Stuart and I got a chance to sit down, put our feet up, and watch the news.

And God, was it depressing. So we decided we'd do our own show.

By the way, in the process of investigative journalisticking, we happened upon this delicious KFC Recipes e-book. If the promise of uncovering the Colonel's secret spices doesn't titillate you enough to make a bid, you should know that in the UK, everyone LOVES the Colonel. Seriously. There are KFC's here so large I'm surprised they don't have their own dedicated airstrip. And unlike in Canada, where KFC's are largely ignored by all those except those with an unusual fondness for picnics, everyone goes to them here.

In other news news, the CBC is cutting 800 jobs because they're in the red and the federal government won't bail them out. As someone who would like to one day have one of those 800 jobs, I think this is a dick move, especially when Ford is ten times poorer, twenty times more incompetent, and given thirty times the money. Depressing. Read about it here.

Goodnight, and good luck,

John from Canada







P.S: AHHH! THE BRITISH MONARCHY IS BEING DISMANTLED! AHHHH! (see here)

Stories used in this video:
Bobcat walks into bar, attacks patrons
Cloud for sale on eBay
Kiev residents protest eccentric mayor
Mich. baseball park to offer 4,800-calorie burgers

Tim Hortons

Hello,

Welcome to day 58 of John and Stuart going to Scotland. This is not quite a 2 month milestone but close enough that mentioning it now will somewhat sour the surprise for everyone when we mention on day 60 that we have been here for two months...oh well. In today's news we discovered that the extended edition of the Fellowship of the Ring didn't get any shorter then the original. In other unrelated news I received no fortune in my fortune cookie, and thus apparently have no future.

Thanks Fortune Cookie! Put downs hurt you know. Regardless of whether they are coming from humans or baked chinese after dinner treats. You may be delicious but I will never trust you again...Did i take that to far?

Tip of the Day: Careful when pinning a pin to your coat as you might accidently prick your thumb which necessitates a band-aid of which you will be out of, the lack of band-aid will then of course cause the thumb to go red into what you think is the beginning of an infection and or gangrene...So...careful.

Pop! Goes my Heart,

Stuart from Canada

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Thinking Time

Greetings,

You know, many of our viewers won't know quite how different Stuart from Canada and I are. Sure, we may seem like quasi-telekinetic blood relations, but in fact, in our moments apart, we can amazingly seem like completely different people.

In tonight's video Stuart and I hoped to give you a glimpse into our psyches to see exactly how different we are when approaching the simple act of thinking. We want you to voyage into our labrynthine ids, make the dangerous climb over our mountainous egos, and land upon the distant shores of our confusing superegos. We want you to, if you will, crack the code of Stuart and John.

You will be given 10 minutes, a piece of foolscap, and a No. 2 Pencil. Good luck.

Don't worry about a ting,

John from Canada

The Haircut

Hello EVRY-BODY,

HELLO DR. NICK! God! I don't think the Simpsons was EVER funny.

It was learning day today and oh boy did we learn lots. If anyone needs help fixing the latch on a dishwasher then John and Stuart are your men*. If you need to cook rice and have the water boil over into your microwave give us a shout*. If you need to burn the hair off of your ears then we will oblige*.

In other news John still dislikes episodes 1-3 of the Star Wars trilogy and I can make a mean set of chips from scratch. Also, who knew that Mothers Day was on a different day depending on the country you're in. So in apology for this oversight we formally retract all well wishes that we extended to our Canadian viewers and formally extend them to all our UK viewers.

Full o'tatties,

Stuart from Canada

*All services described above come with an initial setup fee of £25 and a processing fee of £200 cash only.

Mother's Day

Hey y'all,

Today Stuart and I got had in a little con that I like to call the "Chester Street Switch". Here's how it goes:

Step 1: Smoke 100 cigarettes.
Step 2: Break the dishwasher.
Step 3: Strip the sheets of the beds and place them CAREFULLY on the floor.
Step 4: When the house is inspected, be indignant about the chance that they'll deduct something from their deposit for the broken dishwasher and stale smell of cigarettes that will be IMPOSSIBLE to remove.
Step 5: Time your taxis to arrive at this moment, placing you in an obvious rush.
Step 6: Get them to call the landlord, who is also in a rush, and tell him (who cannot see exactly HOW broken the dishwasher is or HOW stale the smell of cigarettes is) that the house is in perfect order besides the dishwasher, and you are not to blame.
Step 7: Get full deposit back, and run like hell.

Are you watching? Here's the switch:

Step 8: When the house inspected in more detail after you've left, the sheets you've CAREFULLY placed will no doubt be moved, revealing the MASSIVE and UNREMOVABLE makeup stains you've left from apparently having a 12-year-old's knowledge of makeup application.
Step 9: Laugh it up on your way to Ireland.

The genius of the Chester Street Switch is that the dishwasher distracts the inspectors and makes them take a less detailed look around the house. When the worry of the dishwasher is resolved, the inspectors are so relieved they'll give you the deposit back no problem.

Feel free to try this one out if you're a member of a completely amoral witch-coven that (also) left what appears to be goat's blood stains and chalk for drawing pentagrams around the house.

Hmph.

Happy Mother's Day,

John from Canada

TIP OF THE DAY: Don't forget to also set an alarm for when September ends. Strangers and Green Day fans can be unreliable.







P.S: The Best Of section has been updated to meet our mandatory badass-ness standard.

People as People #2

After much searching, many angry people, and lots of depleted batteries we are pleased to bring you the second entry in our People as People segment. Remember to post guesses as to who we think the person looks like in the comment section below.

IN REALITY: Some random tourist
WE THINK: John from Canada!

The Cutting Room Floor

Greetings Friends,

Today we sadly saw the departure of John's Dad from Canada but not before taking in some truly amazing sights. We visited a local castle full of Scottish history the place looked like something from The Chronicles of Narnia, minus the lions and talking goat people. In other news pastys are delicious, tickets are expensive and the post office still sucks.

Tip of the day: When sending International mail ALWAYS declare goods as having a zero dollar value.

Watch out for giant talking lions,

Stuart from Canada

Nostalgia Station

Hi everybody!

There's no way to feel more at home in a new city than by having family visit. In a truly spectacular way, it makes you realize exactly how much you've come to learn about the place and how long you've been away. In an unrelated but not unappreciated perk, you also get a lot of free stuff out of it.

For the first time in a while we took a look around the city from a tourist's viewpoint and discovered a lot of stuff that our own perspectives ignored and got some time to appreciate Edinburgh for the beautiful city it really is.

AND we rescued two princesses...each.

TIP OF THE DAY: If an astoundingly beautiful sleeping woman doesn't immediately wake up, don't kiss them. It could be grounds for assault in a as of yet unresolved court case of which we will make no further mention.*

Slicing and dicing,

John from Canada

*Solicitors from the Edinburgh area are welcome to contact Stuart and John from Canada with offers of legal services.

Photo of the Week: March 15-21

"STUART'S GOING DOWN TO
THE GAY BAR, GAY BAR"

The Train Hop

Today is hence forth dedicated to travel. After many modes of transport and hours of traveling we have arrived back in Edinburgh. In the spirit of our lengthy journey today I hereby challenge all our viewers to travel as little as they can tomorrow. That's right It is as easy as counting to three all you have to do is do nothing. Don't go anywhere, don't do anything, move as little as possible. Good Luck.

p.s The winner of today's challenge will receive an autographed photo of John and Stuart from Canada and 60,000 Lastoke points redeemable at any Lastoke store. *see below for store locations

Blah,

Stuart from Canada

LASTOKE STORE LOCATIONS:

1. Haiti
   
2. Rhodesia
   
3. Madagascar
   
4. Somalia
   
5. Wisconsin

P.S: Videos in the Best Of section now have download links in case they fail to play or buffer slowly.

The Belfast Interview

Hello again,

When travelling it's virtually impossible to see everything you came to see. That maxim is especially true when you are hungover from St. Patrick's Day in Ireland, or, as it should be called, Serve Everyone Who Can Still Stand Day.

The city was remarkably normal today, not like our first night where the streets were empty as people got an early night, and definitely not like our second where the streets were fuller than me after a meal of microwavable bangers 'n' mash (surprisingly authentic). We got to see a little bit more of the city as we wandered around looking for a drycleaners (it's a long story), and were ultimately assaulted at every turn by the delicious smell of baked goods.

Ireland has been good to us over the past few days, and so we at Lastoke would like to thank the entire population of Belfast and the geographical area of Ireland. We'd also like to give a special shout out to Joel, our taxi driver/tour guide who thought enough to bring a marker so we could write on the Peace Wall (he's at the front of today's video!), and who can be reached by booking a Black Taxi tour through your hostel in Belfast. Awesome.

So, one last cheers from the city of good Guiness, and we'll see you all back home in Scotland.

Top o' the mornin',

John from Canada

P.S: We've created the Best Of section (link is in the sidebar) and updated the obsession of the week and S&J On The 'Pedia. Also of note, viewers using Mozilla Firefox might have some trouble on occasion playing our older videos. We're in the process of making Best Of videos available for download to solve this problem. If any of you have any suggestions, please let us know.







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St. Patty

Hello,

Today, as some of you may know, is St Patrick's Day. So break out your face paint, four leaf clovers, and cigarettes because Ireland is coming through your computer screen. John and I are stationed here in Belfast to give you a first hand report of the St Patty's day celebration. We've learned that the Irish know how to have a good time, everyone smokes, and that besides the near constant stream of Police Armoured cars the city is fantastic.

We've posted extra early so we'd have the time to enjoy some of the fine Irish customs tonight, but more on that later.

Tip of the Day: When painting faces make sure that the bottle is marked "FACEPAINT" and not "ACRYLIC"

Drinkin Overtime,

Stuart from Canada

The Dream

What if you dreamed a dream so real that you couldn't tell it from reality?

Now what if you were unable to wake from that dream?

How would you tell the real world from the dream world?

How would you know when you were awake and when you were sleeping?

What if you never woke?

What if your dream included porsche-driving pirates and Billy Connolly?

This is not that dream.

This is an entirely different dream.

Goodnight, Sleep Tight, and Don't Let The Bedbugs Bite,

John from Canada

The Pain of Commentary

Hello,

The following list is a collection of various things that John and I have learned over the past few days:

- Nutella, even rock hard, is still fantastic on EVERYTHING.

- Staying up late = Sleeping in = Staying up even later

- ALL mail services are robbers and when they are not stealing your resources they are holding your mail hostage for even more money.

-Cheap flights to locations across Europe can be found at ryanair.com and easyjet.com

- When frightened the Scottish form queues out of some bizarre primal instinct to wait in line.

Looking for the magic,

Stuart from Canada

The Conductor

Hello all,

We'd like to once again thank everyone for their suggestions that made Theme Week as awesome-tastic as it was. And it was awesome-tastic. So awesome-tastic I might be tempted to call it awesome-tastic-ulous. I can't, because that would be going overboard, but I'm tempted. Very.

Speaking of which, if you want to experience the awesome-tastic-ness all over again, you can always click on the Theme Week link in the archives, and it'll be just like you've gone back in time! (Consult clock or calendar for correct date or time.)

In other news, what was Robin Williams doing with his hair nine years ago, Eminem and Elton John seems like a oxymoron but it's actually an act at the Grammy's, and the Animaniacs is a lot funnier than I remember.

Now we're going to take it down a notch for all you night owls with some relaxing music from the maestro himself, Stuart.

Hello Nurse,

John from Canada

Thank You!

Greetings viewers,

If you carefully consult your Lastoke 2008-2009 Calendars, you will find that Theme Week is measured in working days. As such, today we would like to mark the official end of Theme Week on Lastoke.ca.

Theme Week was an event that truly could not have happened without you, the viewer. So we at Lastoke would like to extend a personal thanks to everyone who submitted themes, with this handy acronym: PANDA'S JADE. Thank you!

We'd also like to give a special shout-out to Anonymous, who provided us with over 20 themes. Without your kind of enthusiasm, Theme Week would never have been possible.

In conclusion, Lastoke would like to thank our viewers for their participation and ongoing support, and we hope to continue to see your comments in the comment section.

Remember, the Best Of section will need ongoing input as more videos are produced, so don't forget to nominate your favourite videos by email or comment.

Thanks again!

Sincerely,

The Lastoke Team

THEME WEEK: Black Friday

The following is a video recording found in the aftermath of the friday the 13th outbreak that took place in Edinburgh, Scotland. The recording was found in a garage beneath a local pub near Princes Street. The cause of the riots is still as of yet unknown but mass reports of murder, insanity, and cannibalism are still coming in. 1/4 of the city is still in official military quarantine.

Spokespersons from the government have yet to comment although initial reports are that the disease is of a viral nature and remains highly infectious. Religious extremists have been quick to denounce the event as an act of God pointing to the date of the events occurrence, friday the 13th, as proof for their claims.

Residents are advised to stay indoors and not approach ANYONE who appears to be acting strangely.

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Now 20% Better!

Greetings viewers,

Lastoke.ca has been improved once again! In the ongoing effort against sidebar clutter, we at Lastoke have changed the archives to better meet your needs. Now, posts will be archived by month, so all you need to know to find your favourite post is the month it was made in! It's that simple.

Also, we have added two new links to the "Our Links..." section of the sidebar. The first is the Obsession of the Week, which will link to Stuart and John's current online obsession. The second is S&J On The 'Pedia, which will link to an interesting or poignant Wikipedia page hand-picked with care by Stuart and John themselves.

If you have any suggestions for the ongoing improvement of our site, please post them in the comments section or email us at info@lastoke.ca. Remember also to keep submitting your suggestions for the Best Of section, which will eliminate any rooting through the archives that you might have to do to find your favourite videos.

Thank you for your continued viewership, and enjoy the rest of Theme Week at Lastoke.ca.

Sincerely,

The Lastoke Team

THEME WEEK: Language Class

Salut le gang,

Today's theme comes from "Anonymous", one our most frequent posters, who provided the theme of "Languages". To explore this theme, we created a short scene and performed it in four different languages.

We'd like to give a shout out to free online translators, who provided us with terribly mistranslated lines like "Really, you have certain?" that are the cornerstone of foreign language comedy. Thank you, online translators! You can be useful to more than just Grade 9 French students.

In other news, the UK has made a direct copy of the Apprentice with a less toupee-y version of Donald Trump. It's called "The Apprentice". So much for European originality.

Also, I am incapable of making grilled cheese sandwiches.

Adios,

John from Canada

THEME WEEK: That's What She Said

Greetings Bedfellows,

Today is day 3 of the highly anticipated THEME WEEK. We would like to extend a special thanks to 'Alex' who suggested today's theme of "That's what she said". To help underscore today's theme I have prepared a brief history of the commonly used phrase, see below, so viewers can better understand the phrase's root and varying uses through the ages.

1 B.C.E - 1975 C.E

During its early periods "that's what she said" was used to refer to what a person of the female gender had previously said

1975-1999

In this period "that's what she said" evolved to take a humorous connotation. The phrase was used to point out and identify sexual meanings behind everyday conversation" ex.

Person 1: I couldn't get any sleep last night

Person 2: That's what she said

In this circumstance the phrase implies that person 1's lack of sleep was due to sexual activity regardless of the fact that in actuality Person 1 had diagnosed insomnia.

1999-2009

Though the term did not change in meaning during this time it is important to note that "That's what she said" fell from popularity during this time making brief but successful comebacks at sporadic points throughout this period.

On a different note PLEASE continue sending in themes. We need as many as possible in order to continue our efforts in the highly anticipated THEME WEEK. Thanks and enjoy the video.

Ting,

Stuart from Canada

Photo of the Week: March 8 -14

"CUPPING"

THEME WEEK: Dropping Bombs

Welcome to Day 2 of Theme Week everybody! Today's theme comes from Nathan, who suggested the theme of "Dropping Bombs in the Morning and Taking Names in the Evening". Well done!

This theme was a challenging one. But nonetheless, we faced it head on and I think we did a pretty good job of it. Remember, if you want to see us humiliate ourselves to your theme, suggest it by posting it in the comments or emailing us at info@lastoke.ca.

In other news, spaghetti is not as good as fusilli. The debate about penne still rages on.

Take cover,

John from Canada

P.S: Due to an error caused by Blogger's upload service, some early viewers may have seen a somewhat incomplete version of the video. The version below has been corrected. This is just yet another demonstration of what we have learnt many times before: that nothing will work the way you need it to.

P.P.S: That said, we still honour and respect Google's noble attempts at bringing vlogs to the people and we hope we have not affronted Them in any way.

P.P.P.S: We're sorry, Google.







P.P.P.P.S: Really sorry.

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THEME WEEK: The Undersides

Hello Everyone,

The moment has finally arrived, THEME WEEK has begun. Thank you to Dabble and the Mad Sow for providing today's theme of 'The Undersides of Things'. For our post today John and I carefully examined the Undersides and after a terrible rash and some cut feet we bring you today's video. Remember to keep sending in themes for the upcoming videos as well as continuing to nominate your top 5 favourite videos. Every participant will receive a free Lastoke pen which comes complete with invisible ink!(offer is subject to Canada Post Mail Guarantee, see below for details). Enjoy the video and we will see you all tomorrow.

Back to the future,

Stuart from Canada

Canada Post Mail Guarantee:

-Canada Post hereby guarantees that none of your packages will arrive on time or at all.

-Canada Post hereby guarantees that you could deliver your package in person to ANY location for cheaper then sending your package through us.

-Canada Post hereby guarantees that we are undoubtably the worst postal system in the world

Groceries

Greetings,

Finally, FINALLY, the women are gone. Today was spent conducting the usual duties of cleaning up, though it seems that finicky and neat are a package deal. Not surprisingly though a little disappointingly, almost ALL the toilet paper is gone now, and we're probably going to have to buy more.

On the brighter side of things, we now have an abundance of food around the house. No, it wasn't free like the last time...these guests decided to meticulously divide their food amongst them, no doubt hiding it in their cheek pouches for safe carrying to their next location where they can inflict their hopeless perfectionism on innocent Canadians.

No, we paid for this food. And through the fruits of our hard labour, we have furnished our house with ham, chicken, frozen vegetables, and canned soup. Mmmm.

As a point of comparison for today's video, the grocery store we frequent, Lidl (which is known for its INSANELY low prices...£1 for enough potatoes to crush a camel), is located about a half hours walk across the city through the busy Royal Mile and the busier Princes Street. And in our typical fashion, we couldn't say no to the low, low prices...

As the bells of St. Clements say,

John from Canada



P.S: Help us out! Suggest a theme for our upcoming Theme Week on Lastoke.ca! We'll make a video from your suggestions! It's madness!

P.P.S: Feeling like that's not enough? That's fair, cause it isn't! Don't forget to suggest your favourite videos for our new Best Of section arriving soon!

IMPORTANT NOTICE

We here at Lastoke media are constantly in search of bigger and better videos. In this vein we are introducing THEME WEEK. Where Everyday John and Stuart will take the themes YOU, the viewers, suggest. Starting today John and Stuart will be taking themes from any and all of you, choosing the one that in their opinion will render the best video result. Good suggestions for themes are things time or colour and a bad suggestion might be something like spine.

So please send in your suggestions as THEME WEEK begins tomorrow. Thank you for your cooperation in making lastoke.ca as good as it can be.

Sincerely,

The Lastoke Team

PontyPool

Hello,

To begin today's post I have a little narrative of my own composition that i'd like to share with you.

Once upon a time there lived a great bear of a man. This man along with his friend liked to make videos to publish to their blog for the enjoyment of friends, family, and anyone else who stumbled across the site. However the two friends were racked with grief because as much as they loved to write, produce, shoot, and edit their videos they noticed that no one ever commented. As the two were shy and didn't want to seem demanding they didn't express this most humble of desires. While all the while in their heart of hearts they wished that people would leave them little comments in order to further motivate them to keep producing the videos they so loved to make. However their shy behaviour kept them bringing this desire to light and instead they decided to make even bigger, better, faster, more dangerous videos hoping that they would prompt everyone into commenting. One fateful day as the two were jumping from Airplanes for one of their videos a terrible parachute malfunction led to the tragic death of their camera and they never made another video again.

We went to the Scottish National Gallery and found that it had slightly more paintings of jesus and naked people then the average gallery...weird. In sports news I was really sore from not stretching before yesterdays video. In addition, congratulations to John for successfully completing the classic and well known text based game "Peasant's Quest" John was quoted as saying, "It was easier then I thought". Links involving today's video as well as Peasant's Quest online can be found below today's video.

Oranges and Lemons,

Stuart from Canada

CBC Pontypool

Pontypool Trailer

Peasants Quest

The Wit and Wisdom of Highland Cows: Part II

Mission Ambiguous

!Ota,

(^That's Sotho Swahili for hello!)

In today's post, I want to reach out to the good people in our audience and share with them a message from all housekeepers, guest house staff, and hotel receptionists. Please, for the love of God, if your vacation isn't exactly as you imagined, deal with it.

After spending most of the day cleaning the house for the arrival of 20 women whose purpose in Edinburgh remains a mystery to us (and we only had beds for 19!), we got to deal with their three INCREDIBLY finicky leaders, providing them with a) 6 sets of keys; b) two full rolls of toilet paper in each bathroom; and c) a full-on inspection of the house so they could not be claimed for damages (like we don't know what's damaged already at this point, having lived here for almost a month).

Beyond that, we had lots of fun playing with the hot water heater. We played a game called "Find the Pilot Light!". We lost that one, so we moved on to another game called "Fix the Industrial Scale Boiler Following Only Vague Instructions". Stuart won that one after about forty tries. We had so much fun that we played a third game, "Figure Out Why The Fuck The Heat Isn't On But The Water Is Hot!". Much to our amazement, we won that one too after only 30 minutes. It was so much fun, I look forward to playing again the next time 20 angry and picky women show up at the house for a complaining party.

In fact, by the end of the night, we had gone in and out of the house more times than all of the guests combined, each time having to knock and apologize profusely for interrupting their...well, we don't know what it was. Hen Party? Whatever.

So the gist of today's post, ladies and gentlemen, is be kind to your hotel staff and receptionists. Otherwise, you will never know how much they truly resent you until you find a turd in your pillow.

!Ato,

(^That's Notho Swahili for goodbye)

John from Canada



P.S: Don't forget to suggest your picks for the "Best Of" section by posting a comment or emailing us at info@lastoke.ca.

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Photo of the Week: February 29 - March 7

"COME TAKE A RIDE WITH US"

SHUT UP!

Gutentag,

Today we arrived safely back in our home city of Edinburgh after an amazing two days in Glasgow. Both being dead tired we whittled away the afternoon drifting in and out of consciousness as we arrived back in the city at an unheard of 7:30 in the morning. In other news we received a 'Pay-in book" from our bank to which John and I are totally confused.

What is this mystic Pay-in book and what is it for? If you know please comment with possible answers. The person who answers correctly will receive a free Lastoke Blow up Sheep! For those of you who think it is the key to entering Narnia think again John and I have already tried. Good guessing.

In addition John and I are announcing the end to our 'Sign off with Style" contest. Thanks to all those who emailed with suggestions for sign-offs and after a count of all the votes the winner to the contest is...'Feel the Magic'. From Edinburgh Scotland.

Feel the magic,

Stuart from Canada

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Best Of!

Salutations from the Lastoke Team,

Today's post marks the 47th video we've made for you lovely people. In celebration of this momentous occasion, we are announcing a new "Best Of" section on our website.

In order to best represent the best of Lastoke, we now reach out to you to suggest your favourite videos. Suggest as many as you like, and at the end of it all we'll stick the most popular videos in a link at the sidebar.

You can make your suggestions by commenting on this post or any future posts, or if you're bashful about commenting, you can email us at info@lastoke.ca.

Please, don't hesitate to suggest your favourites. There are no restrictions...any video is elligible. Remember, any one of our videos is accessible through the archive links on the sidebar (look below the Pint Counter).

Happy hunting,

The Lastoke Team

Photo of the Week: February 22 - 28

"READY TO HEN NIGHT"

Glasgow

Hello from John and Stuart,

After twenty pints, two car accidents, and a visit to the Mac store, we’ve come to the end of our two days in Glasgow. As we write this, we are preparing to leave on the earliest train to Edinburgh at the ungodly hour of 6:50 tomorrow morning.

We’ve had a wonderful time in Scotland’s largest city, finding it a charming city full of charming, though incomprehensible people. Like Toronto, Glasgow offers a wide array of activities, events, and people, but with a slightly higher chance of dying.

As an ode to the City of Glasgow and our time spent here, we’ve prepared a poem about the many delights one can find in the City of the Clyde:

Glaswegian version:

“Pissed”
Ach ween ta dare ba
Ta drint dare gout ta
A tander’s drum, tach ma
Boot a’er fif bers
Ofe sutin ma fers
Ach esk fa dare loo, ta piss.


English version:

“1 Pint of Happy”
I went to the bar
To drink the gold tar
A bartender’s dream, that is me
But after 5 beers
Of soothing my fears
I asked for the bathroom, to pee.

TIP OF THE DAY: Remember to bring earplugs if you’re sharing a room with a stranger who makes Porky Pig noises.

Ta,

Stuart and John from Canada

Don't Hold Your Breath

Hello from Glasgow,

We have moved locations and, naturally, with that move comes some significant problems with internet. As I write this, we are in a restaurant hijacking their free wifi because my computer is unable to connect to our hostel's internet. Despite full bars and a correct internet password, my computer has demonstrated to me that it has no interest in helping me in even the smallest way accomplish my goals.

The short of this is that there will be an increasing likelyhood over the next few days that, while in Glasgow, we will be unable to post videos or indeed anything, instead delaying them until our return to Edinburgh.

Naturally we will endeavour as hard as always to bring you your daily dose of Lastoke-certified entertainment, but we may be forced to make it up to you at a later date. And of course, we are working around the clock to try and rectify the problem.

So, for now, here's hoping HP didn't make and absolute shite computer and I can still find bars somewhere.

Cheers,

John from Canada / The Lastoke Team

Cause It's Fun

Howdy y'all,

After waiting for this latest group of women to leave our house, inspecting the place, and cleaning all the mess they left (again, surprisingly little), the day was almost done. So while I was satisfied sitting in a comfortable chair and watching the BBC while the day dwindled away, Stuart had his own plans.

Live long and prosper,

John from Canada

The Chancer's Words

Bonjour Madame et Monsieur,

Today John was attacked. Not in an angry mob way or a stealthy Ninja way but he was attacked nonetheless. He was assaulted verbally by a native scotsman that based on my preliminary assumptions was more intoxicated then most sewage dump sites. Don't confuse my words John remains unharmed with the exception of his bruised ego after what we think were insults were hurled at him. The following video is a dramatic recreation of the night's happenings. Enjoy.

Live hard and with lots of sleep,

Stuart from Canada