On The Lighter Side

Allo-bonjour,

After a failed search for jumbo pasta bags at Tescos, Stuart and I spent today walking in Edinburgh's Tollcross district and witnessed a strange ritualistic spectacle. Scores of people dressed head to toe in red chased a single person among them seemingly chosen by random until an equally random time when the subject of the chase would switch. Like tag, only backwards and without any means of determining whose "it".

This ritual was practiced on and off, interspersed by lying on the ground in a circle and forming arbitrary lines, for about half an hour, at which point we gave up on understanding it and left.

Is it a form of Scottish wrestling? A strange pagan fertility rite? Or perhaps a state-mandated exercise routine? The mystery remains unresolved. But I give my word to you that I for one will not rest until it is solved.

Until then,

John from Canada



Links to today's stories:
Vacuum Sex
Man learns to tell "pigs" from cops
Granny rugby-tackles jay walker
Russian survives snooze on train track
Double amputee fitted for mermaid tail

I-RON-NING

Greetings,

I hope everyone recieved their special promise rings in the mail, because they will be important in the upcoming posts. If you look closely at the ring you'll see it is also a decoder ring which will identify you to others as a member of the Lastoke Awesome Danger team or LAD for short. Your rings will allow you to decipher messages imbedded in posts like this:

GSNBG SJFBGL FJSFN@*(B @(BR SFBSFIJUICESFLBGL
SFGDROPPINGSLNJSGKSGSLBFSHREKSGJBGSLKEA
GLESGLBJSGKNS

Good luck with your mission LAD's and remember 2 1/2 cups of pudding should be enough.For everyone else I hope you enjoy today's video.

Lets get down to business,

Stuart from Canada

The Real House Party

Hello again,

As I write this, I am balancing between uploading today's video, checking my email, and playing a game of Settlers of Catan with people 5000 kilometres away.

Today was a great success for Stuart and John, on day 1 of our second month away. Stuart opened a bank account in the ridiculously posh HSBC Princes Street Branch, while I booked a trip to Belfast. We followed that great success with another...cancelling the trip to Belfast and booking one to Glasgow instead.

So next week, be prepared for a spectacular, awe-inspiring insight into Scotland's largest city: Glasgow.

But for now, enjoy the new hit series coming to Lastoke.ca, The Real House Party.

Be at peace, children,

John from Canada




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The New and Improved Lastoke.ca!

Greetings from the Lastoke Team,

You may have noticed some changes to the website that first took effect today. If you haven't, take a look to the right. That long, thin bit with lots of blue writing is called a "sidebar", and we've added a few things.

Along with the regular counters and links, we've now added some advertising from Google and a link to our xml feed, which you can subscribe to with a reader like iGoogle. This means you can now get our posts directly sent to you...if you set it up right, you can even get them posted right on your Google homepage!

If you're already subscribed to our feed, you might begin to notice some low-key advertising from Google at the bottom of every post. We've also cleaned up the sidebar on archived pages and previous posts.

If you're thinking, "Hey, it sounds an awful lot like those Lastoke boys have sold out their website for pennies," you're right! Lastoke.ca is officially in the pocket of the Google Empire, and we thank them for their quiet and unintrusive domination of public internet space. Thank you Google!

And thank you, readers, for your obedient consent to the non-stop presence of advertising. At least, we hope it's obedient. We don't want to get Google involved...

Cheers,

The Lastoke Team

One Month Anniversary

HELLO,

CONGRATULATIONS everyone we have now been in a relationship for 1 month. Yes that is right 30 whole days have passed since our arrival in the United Kingdom. If you were to compare our blog relationship with a human one then we've just had our second date together. So put your dress shirt on and prepare for chocolates cause today is date night and more videos are headed your way.

As thanks for your commitment to this relationship we have gotten you a brand spanking new promise ring, which we will mail to you, but more on that later. In addition we are also starting this, month two of the blog, with a bang. Enjoy today's video commemorating our trip so far.

Let the music free,

Stuart from Canada

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A Walk in the City

Hello again,

Besides eagerly awaiting our one month anniversary of being overseas tomorrow, Stuart and I have pinpointed three future trips and costed them out, and apparently no matter where you go in the world, as long as it you start in either Edinburgh, Glagow, or Sterling, it's £23.

Trip No. 1: Taking the train along the northern coast to Aberdeen. Supposedly a beautiful view, we'd stop along the way and take in the Highlands over three or four days. Cost: £23.

Trip No. 2: Take a train to the western port of Stranraer, and take a ferry from there to Belfast. Book a hotel and see Northern Ireland (or as much of it as we can) in three or four days. Cost: £23.

Trip No. 3: Take a train to the eastern port of Harwich, and take a ferry from there to the southern "Hook of Holland". Hop on another train (this time a Dutch one!) and take that to Amsterdam, or travel around Holland. Cost: £23.

Yes, in Edinburgh, Glasgow, and Sterling, you really get value for your dollar!*

Goin' my own way,

John from Canada

*(Some additional terms and conditions apply. Fares are only available in fantasy land where eveyrone books two months in advance. Fares do not apply if you are over 6'2" or under 5'10". Additional fees apply for passengers wearing glasses, passengers from Canada or passengers without Scottish accents. See vendor for more details.)

A Love Song For Two

Greetings,

Today we went out to one of the many post offices found through the city and learned without a doubt that Canada Post does in fact suck. The general rule being that whatever other national post offices charge Canada Post will charge you double. So I guess i'm saying that we couldn't help but be impressed by Stuart the friendly and helpful post office worker and the cheap rates he gave us to send our packages.

In other slightly outdated news we'd like to extended a hearty thanks to one of our viewers for sending in a valentine's day song for John and I. Unfortunately our busy schedule has prevented us from appropriately thanking said viewer. So in appreciation for his hard work today's video goes out to Nathan from Kingston.

Walk the line,

Stuart from Canada

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The Wit and Wisdom of Highland Cows

A note: this post is not the official post for february 23, 2009 but is the first installment in the 'Wit and Wisdom of Highland Cows' portion of the blog. 

Sorry for any potential confusion,

The Lastoke Team

Hen Party

Hello,

We're back in the Manor today and cleaning up the aftermath of 13 women, which is surprisingly not much. The best part is, they over-ordered pretty much everything so we've been left with five cans of baked beans, three loaves of bread, two bags of bagels, marmite, ketchup, mayo, and a lifetime supply of pasta. Not to mention a full bottle of blue vodka (it's blue!) and half a bottle of gin.

So what were these strange women doing occupying our home, you ask? Well, it was all because of a little thing called a Hen Party.

Take it away Stuart,

John from Canada

Sleep time

Hello,

We had an AMAZING day today. It was filled with excitement, energy, lemon sponge cakes and a 1000 kb per second download speed and we didn't even need to leave our room. We also learned a few valuable lessons that we'd like to share with you. If you ever go into a fast food looking restaurant called 'Wannaburger' and order what seems like an expensive meal never assume that it comes with side. I mean come on if you were paying 9 dollars for a burger you shouldn't expect some fries, not even some cole slaw. I hate fuckin' 'Wannaburger'. Yes I do want a burger but i'd like some dam fries too.

Tip of the Day: When talking to potentially mafia related italian women always put your foot down.

One steppin' at a time,

Stuart from Canada

TGI Fridays

TGI Friday, everyone.

In a country where people go out drinking every day of the week, there's little meaning in a phrase like that. TGI Friday...to someone who isn't employed and spends every day sleeping in until 11, walking around with no pants on until 1, and touring museums and a beautiful foreign country until 7, it means even less.

But today we decided to celebrate Friday in style. Did we go to any one of the hundreds of high quality, low-priced pubs with excellent quality beer and a friendly atmosphere, you ask? No! Instead, we took our party down the road to an American franchise eatery with exorbitantly high prices! The name? TGI Fridays of course!

After getting plastered on £6 fruity cocktails and chocolate ice cream in a cup with a pinch of vodka, we sat down to a table and awaited the delicious delights that can only come from mass marketed line cook food! After only a 40 minute wait, too!

Don't worry, the staff at TGI Fridays were nice enough to give us free drinks to get us even more plastered to make up for it!

So after staggering home past all the less expensive family-owned pubs and restaurants, we thought we'd bring you that famous TGI Fridays charm in our video.

Thank God it's Friday,

John from Canada

The Gardener

Hello again,

Today we had to clean the house. It was relatively simple matter involving scrubbing,washing, and toilets. I don't want to pull any punches for you either cleaning a toilet in Scotland is the same as cleaning one in Canada, I was worried for awhile but it didn't take me long to be convinced that it is just as much fun as back home. In other news i'm sure everyone back home is really feeling the HOPE and CHANGE cause Obama's in the Great White North. We on the Lastoke team would like to reassure our viewers that should any of you not visit the site today it is understood, as the knowledge that Obama is in Canada is even to much for John and I and we aren't even in the country.

Keep enjoying the CHANGE,

Stuart from Canada

Tip of the day: Your cleaning Bleach should not be kept ANYWHERE near your club soda. Mistakes can be made.

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Photo of the Week: February 14 - 21

"STAIRMASTERS"

Webcams

Greetings,

Today, after managing to get the lights back on - no easy task as the fuse box is as hidden as the gateway to Narnia - we did our first round of housekeeping...we made our first bed, we folded our first sheets, and we vacuumed our first thing that needed vacuuming.

This was not mere tidiness or house maintenance...in fact, all of this was intricately related to the successful albeit complex conclusion of Operation Nest Egg.

But you don't want to hear about that now. Instead, sit back and enjoy the other thing we did today...try to film a video using our webcams.

TIP OF THE DAY: Internet calling is overrated. People still have real phones for a reason.

Cheerio,

John from Canada



PS: If you were previously unable to play more than 6 seconds of the video from February 17 (Arthur's Seat), we think we've fixed the problem. Try it again and let us know about any problems you encounter.

Dark as Shit

Greetings,

Today the lights went out.

Tip of the Day: Remember to check the batteries in your flashlight.

Channelling the Funk,

Stuart from Canada

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Arthur's Seat

Hello again!

Today we climbed on top of a mountain. You might think that this means a small hill, or steep incline. No. In reality, it is a massive mountain called Arthur's Seat in the middle of the city. Plus, there are two other bonus mountains to climb alongside it.

So after a very long and tired day we came back to have a delicious meal and celebrate another great success. In fact, we were so contented that we decided to give you a bonus video in which we give you a tour of our new neighbourhood.

Besides Operation Nest Egg's successful completion (more on that later), there's not much to report, so enjoy the videos and we'll see you tomorrow.

TIP OF THE DAY: If something looks like it *might* be a path, assume it's not a path. 9 times out of 10, it's not a path.

Doing it with style,

John from Canada

SEE TODAY'S BONUS VIDEO BELOW!!

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A Fireside Chat

Salutations,

Today is february 15 and in accordance with the Lastoke 2009-2010 calendar it is officially 'Hangover Day'. A day spent indoors with very little light and minimal discussion. To be honest 'Hangover Day' is my least favourite day on the Lastoke Calendar but in accordance with international law it must be observed as strictly as all other official holidays. 

In other news full details on operation 'Nest Egg' as well as it's accompanying bonus video will soon be released for mass consumption, but more on that later.

Tip of the day: Don't stand too close to the gas fireplace when throwing the match, especially if the gas is turned to 'high'.

Cold as always,

Stuart from Canada

Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

Today was a celebration...in one way, it was a celebration of a successful conclusion to Operation Nest Egg (more about that later), and in another very different way, it was a celebration of Valentine's Day, both mine and Stuart's least favourite holiday.

So enjoy our celebration...you might even feel like you were in the same sweaty little room as us.

In other news, we did our first big grocery today and trekked half an hour with about 20 kilos worth of discount groceries. We also found a solution to the internet problem plagueing us only to have it break again in 15 minutes. Yay!

Anyway, happy Valentine's Day to all those with something to celebrate and a hearty cheers to all those who aren't so lucky.

Celebrate good times, come on,

John from Canada

The Zoo

Hey Everyone,

Today we went to the Edinburgh Zoo, It was grrrrrrreat. We saw lots and lots of pretty animals including a very lazy pair of Koala bears and a Scottish wildcat which looks peculiarly like a normal house cat. Other exciting news is that I got my haircut!! No more spending hours in front of the mirror trying to get my hair to lie flat.

Today I am also starting a new tradition called 'The Tip of the Day'. I trust this new addition to the blog is pretty self explanatory.

Without further ado.

The Tip of the Day:

Never cross the do not cross line at the Zoo. Rhinos can sometimes be RIGHT on the other side.

Sick Day

Greetings from my bed,

Today was an especially cold and sick day in Edinburgh, and so instead of climbing Arthur's Seat (a massive mountain in the middle of the city), we decided to stay in bed and watch movies.

On the bright side of things, Operation Nest Egg has finally come to a successful conclusion! A hint: it involves cold, laundry, and Australians. More on that later...but for now, enjoy today's video, as uneventful as today was.

Come take a ride with us,

John from Canada

Photo of the Week: February 8 - 14

"THE MONUMENT"

Calton Hill

Greetings,

John and I took a break today and did something that we haven't done in a few days. We wandered aimlessly around the city for a few hours letting the cold and street meat guide our meandering, and we stumbled onto some truly amazing sights. 

In other news operation 'Nest Egg' may have finally ended in success. In other words we MAY have finally located a place to stay, but more on that later, we will update you when things become more clear. Until the next time.

Enjoy the view,

Stuart from Canada

Laundry Duty

Greetings from the Chester Street Manor,

Today was laundry day. Well, it was for me. Stuart, whose bag is significantly larger, packed enough clothes for 30 days, while I must make do with a measly week's worth. So today I left Stuart alone for the first time in half a month to make the long trek to the laundromat, or, as they call it in Edinburgh, laundrette.

Hope you enjoy today's video and here's hoping we actually post it on time.

See you on the flip side,

John from Canada




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Chester Street Manor

Greetings,

It has been a day filled with excitement for John and I. We have finally moved out of the walk-in- freezer that we've been staying in for the past 3 days and have taken up residence in the main house. It is FANTASTIC! The place is massive beyond reckoning and John and I have it all to ourselves. We've been playing our favourite house games. Which you will hopefully be able to see in days to come.  In other news the flat search continues, but leads are narrowing and we remain optimistic to the core. 

Can't touch this,

Stuart from Canada

Photo of the Week: February 1-8

"TUESDAY NIGHT SPORT"

Rant Monkey

Hey all,

Before you watch today's video, let me explain.

It's probably about 10 degrees in this room. When we wake up in the morning, it will almost certainly be about 5. Stuart has the sniffles and I have a nasty cough. We eat one meal a day and haven't showered in four days. We walk everywhere, at least two hours a day.

And then there's the video.

Every day when we come home, job number one is thinking of something to do for the video. We usually go through two or three ideas which turn out to be duds, each one taking almost an hour to edit. Usually, we post at 12:30 or 1 in the morning local time.

We still love doing it. But every once in a while, we run out of ideas. And that's where videos like today's come from.

So please note, any views expressed in this video do not neccessarily represent those of Lastoke Media or its creators.

It's brass monkeys in here,

John from Canada

Rugby Madness

Hello,

First off, I would like to once again apologize for yesterday's lack of video. Though we are not at fault I still feel obligated to make amends. Today's video covers John and I's experience with the 6 nations rugby weekend. In addition it is our sincere hope to post another video late tonight to make up for yesterday's lack of one. We hope this will be sufficient to sooth any angry or hurt viewers. If it isn't then we don't really care... we're on vacation. Otherwise please enjoy this video and the one that will come later tonight, hopefully.

Stuart from Canada

Sorry...

As you might have noticed, there was no video for Feburary 7th, 2009.

We at Lastoke profoundly apologize. But there's only so much you can do when the internet is being pissy.

Once again, we found ourselves lacking bars, with no way to upload a video. The internet has seen fit to bless us this morning with access, though we know what a flighty temptress she is and make no guarantees.

Apologies, and rest assured a video will follow today.

Blame the internet,

John from Canada

2000!

Congratulations,

We have successfully reached 2000 hits. Thanks to everyone who has visited and continues to visit, we couldn't have done it without you. We'd also like to thank our moms, the g-man, big bertha, and all the other behind the scene workers that make lastoke.ca possible. 

Cheers,

John and Stuart from Canada

Chinook WOW!

'Allo 'Allo!

Today we left the comfort of 24 hour drunkeness and millions of Australians at the Castle Rock Hostel for our new room! Don't get excited, we don't have a flat yet. Instead, we've leased a two bed room for just a few nights while we get the flat thing sorted out.

After walking with heavy packs through the typical cold, wet morning smelling of stale beer, we came into the room and instantly noticed the catch...no heat. I'm freezing my bollucks off right now.

However, we've got quick and easy access to the internet and warm, 100% space-age Chinook sleeping bags to keep us comfortable, so we can't complain. In the meantime, wish us luck finding a flat and hope you all enjoy today's video and visit your nearest Trailhead or A-1 outlet today.

Don't be hatin',

John from Canada

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The smell and sights of Edinburgh

During the last few days  we've had a chance to travel across the city and see some of the sights and smell some of the smells.  It is an old city steeped in what is some generally interesting history. It has an abundance of castles, pubs, hills, and stairs. However, John and I constantly find ourselves asking why in gods name would settlers choose the most steep, hilly, ravine filled area to build a city in. 

 For this reason the geography of Edinburgh has caused a peculiar building practise to take hold in the city. It is the famed and complex building puzzle. Stores are quite literally constructed on top of one another and each store is only accessible from a street that is further up the near constant incline of the streets. Although odd, it makes for a truly unique sight as your eyes are drawn 50 feet in the air to a bright neon sign advertising a store that is built atop the one standing in front of you. 

Another unique experience in Edinburgh is the ever present aroma that fills the streets. John finds the smell unsettling at best, I however find some strange comfort in the smell which can best be described as a mixture of street meat and beer. It is unusual, yes, but I think it adds to the city's ever present...magic? I know there is a better word but magic seems a simple way of describing it. 

If you've managed to get through this post congratulations, it is long and rambling. 

Steady as she goes,

Stuart from Canada

Western Union Shuffle

Good day all,

John and I had a somewhat eventful day which included but was not limited to almost being swindled out of 500 pounds by a con-artist referring to himself as Doctor Jones. Thankfully due to luck, happenstance, and a overly helpful Western Union employee we managed to avert disaster. In honour of this unnamed employee I dedicate this day's post and video. Thanks.

Smack that,

Stuart from Canada

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Internet

Hey Everyone,

So I've heard your pleas for the Rainy Day Counter to be updated. I understand how you feel...it was not too long ago that I myself was saying to my companion the very same thing.

But here's the thing. While I was momentarily under the impression that my laptop was, in fact, a computer, I stand corrected. My laptop is no more than a $1000 hunk of cheap aluminum and plastic.

I can't get internet. All I want is bars. For some reason, my computer just won't pick up the only free connection in the area. I don't know what to do anymore, besides use Stuart's Mac begrudgingly like I am now.

So for all you diehard counter fans out there, the counts stand as follows:

Redhead Count: 11

Rainy Day Count: 2

And the brand new Pint Counter: 42

Hope that stays you over until I get bars again.

Feel the magic,

John from Canada

Lost!!

Salute le gang,

Yet another day comes to a close. We went flat hunting today which wasn't very productive. The place we went to see was a dud. We arrived and had to wait 5 minutes for the person doing the showing to be woken up from either a sleep or peyote induced coma. Needless to say John and I were left with a lackluster feeling at the end of our tour. The person or 'Krazy Kate' to which she is now referred knew surprisingly little about the place, she assured us, that she had lived in for 3 months.

In any case John and I have what look like many more promising offers lined up and we'll keep you posted in what we call operation 'Nest Egg'.  

On a completely different note after consuming all the cans 49 pence spaghetti John and I have further vowed to invest more time in preparing and consuming food items that look less like vomit and more like something humans are fit to eat. Enjoy the video and we will see you tomorrow.  

Keep on Truckin,

Stuart from Canada

P.S: Today is the first day of our "Sign-off with Style" contest where John and I will experiment with different sign-offs at the end of each new post. Let us know what you think.

The Tour

Hello from Edinburgh,

We've been here two nights now and it already feels like a week. We've spent the past day calling countless people to see about flats.

Funny story about that...one lady, Debbie, was renting a flat for extra cheap. So we run around to about ten different urine stained telephone boxes trying to call her, every one broken. When we finally do reach her, she says that a bed collapsed through the roof of the spare room and she needs to file an insurance claim, so she can't see us.

We've also met the Sleeping Man, sort of. He left this morning. I swear to God, that man did not spend more than 4 hours awake over the past 48 hours. Went to bed at 9 in the evening and got up at 8 PM. Then he went back to sleep, three hours later, and slept through to the next morning. It made me feel sick.

So despite a penis on my face and having to defend the keep, we're in a pretty good place at the Castle Rock Hostel. We've even run into a few Canadians who are also living here long term.

Because we're in such a good place right now, please enjoy our extra special bonus video: Hill Climbing!

Cheers,

John from Canada

Please Note: Bonus Videos are not to be considered part of normal posting procedure and are to be considered a special event.

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Goatman

Greetings from the Burgh,

Actually no one calls it that, i guess some people might but for the most part they get beat up when they do. This video takes place during our journey to Edinburgh. Since

then we received several promising flat share offers, John has spilt two entire pints of beer and has had one very graphic illustration of the male genitalia drawn on his face.

Tomorrow we are scheduled for some viewings of flats as well as we are set to delve further into the mysteries of the enigmatic Edinburgh.

Stuart from Canada

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Photo of the Week: January 25th- February 1st

"DEFEND THE KEEP"

People as People #1

Hello Everyone,

I am proud to introduce the newest segment of the website, "People as People" a segment where we take pictures of people who look like other people. This entry was taken at the Tower of London and was the inspiration for this new and exciting blog addition. Enjoy!

Stuart from Canada

In reality: Some British Guy

(After many great guesses...)

Who we think it is: Kevin!

Guesses can be entered in the comment section

Yesterday's Posts Today!

Success!

I have managed to defeat the unimaginable incompetency of Windows and produce for you the video promised yesterday. Look for the Street Meat. Mmm...street meat.

I am writing this on the train to Edinburgh, where it is a balmy 4 degrees. For all the cynics of British weather out there, it has not rained once and it has never dropped below 0. It's like a Canadian October over here.

Anyway, sorry for the delay, but, again, blame Windows and all their bullshit. Videos will be ready on time now that we've given in to Mac.

Cheers,

John from Canada




P.S: Please accept as an apology for our lateness this previously unreleased bonus video of a nighttime tour of our room at Picadilly Backpackers!