Impossible Jam

Hello everyone,

Today I want to tell you about a miracle. A miracle with all the wonder and marketability of the events of the Bible. A miracle...of jam.

Yes, you know it. The very stuff you spread on your English muffin, usually not on toast, and never on bagels (I mean, who could imagine jam on a bagel?), has been blessed by the limitless ingenuity of Messrs. Stuart and John Von Canada in a secret European recipe that makes the impossible possible.

It is so awesome and so awe-inspiring that we have decided to name it Impossible Jam. Like regular jam, Impossible Jam can be obtained only via an intricate system of aunts and boutique country jam stores, and will almost always sit in the back of your fridge for an inordinate amount of time before you finally get in that mood for English muffins again.


If you would like your own Impossible Jam, simply send a cheque or money order for £200 (99p plus £199.01 S&H and finder's fee) to 2 Chester Street, Edinburgh, UK EH3 7RA within the next two weeks. You will receive a half-eaten jar of Impossible Jam within 6-8 months.*

Jammie dodgin',

John from Canada







P.S: Please note also that Stuart from Canada shall henceforth be called "Bolo".

*Lastoke Industries will not be liable for improbable or possible Impossible Jam. Berry Berry, Mega Berry, and CosmoBerry flavours not available. All sales final. No refunds. Lastoke Industries will take no responsibility for Impossible Jam lost, damaged, or stolen en-route to delivery point. Subject to additional fees as warranted.