Part 2: The Might Giraffe

I couldn't believe my eyes! Not twenty paces away stood the most massive giraffe i'd ever lay eyes on. Though to be fair i'd seen very few giraffes in my days and even fewer 'Large Tongue Giraffes' of which was now standing in front of me. Nevertheless the Giraffe was exactly where the man from the village had told me he would be and there could hardly be more then one giraffe with a tongue that was the size of its head. I stared at the giraffe hit by the feeling that something wasn't quite right and after a moment it dawned on my that the giraffe was quietly grazing upon a human corpse. I thought this strange as I was almost sure that giraffes were herbivores.

Could there be more danger to this quest then the village man had let on? Was this giraffe some sort of predator in disguise? How on earth was I supposed to bring this giraffe back without it eating me? As I pondered all these questions I didn't seem to realise that the giraffe was calmly and subtly moving towards me, having stripped the last piece of meat from the unfortunate man who it had been previously eating. Fortunately, though I wouldn't have said so at the time, I had no idea of the animal's intentions as I was to busy racking my brains for ways to catch a giraffe. I'm not usually this unobservant mind you but as you've seen from my story thus far I was under enough stress to distract me. So much stress that by the time I realised the giraffe had moved his tongue had already wrapped around my face and before I knew it my head was one bite anyway from being the giraffe's dessert. It was at this point that the giraffe detected the taste of curry. The same curry, which i'm sure you'll remember, I had had spilled on me earlier. Well I don't mind telling you that apparently the combination of curry paste and human hair wasn't what the giraffe was after and so in short order I found myself on the ground again safe as can be, though with more saliva on me then I usually allow. The Giraffe hurriedly moved away making gaging and retching noises into the distance.

It was at this low point that I took stock of myself. I was half dead, half eaten, half bruised, half confused and completely covered in giraffe saliva. In fact, the only good thing I had going for me was that the only man-eating giraffe in Africa, which was now giving me a wide berth as it tryed to cleanse it palette at the water hole, didn't want to eat me. That's when it hit me! A masterstroke of an idea, I pulled a rope from my backpack and quickly fitted one end of the rope to myself and the other I made into a loop which i then, after 30 or 40 tries, managed to secure over the giraffes neck.

A word of advice for those of you know don't normally rope giraffes... they don't like it. I found this out immediately as the giraffe charged, fully intent on eating me. However a quick curry paste reminder later and I found myself, for the second time that day, covered in giraffe saliva. The good news was that the giraffe finally got the message and was now downright scared of the horrible stench that wafted from atop my head, so afraid that when I came to close the giraffe would run the opposite way.

After 12 hours of curry paste herding a 3 ton giraffe, the finer points of which i've leave to your imagination, I came to the outskirts of the village. Needless to say that when I walked back into the village, not only alive but tied to a man-eating giraffe, i caused quite a commotion. I half scared have pulled my giraffe, of which I had now established a love hate relationship, towards Bill's house this time sure that he would give me the information I wanted to know. However bill thought otherwise, he was sure I would be eaten by the giraffe, as most people were, and he certainly didn't want to give me what i wanted. As Bill was proceeding to screw me over in our deal fate decided to take hold of the situation. Bill suddenly looked much different and I soon realised that the last time I saw Bill he wasn't inside a giraffe's mouth. Unfortunately for Bill and rather fortunately for me, though I didn't realise it at the time, the giraffe made short work of Bill only leaving his shoes resting in front of me.

"FUCK!" I cried, unable to digest the idea, no pun intended, that my only lead was now in my stupid giraffe's stomache. "WHY DO YOU HAVE TO EAT EVERYONE!" I cried at the giraffe.The giraffe didn't answer. It was then that the elder, who had been observing the entire giraffe debacle, approached and informed me that Bill had been a very bad man. Bill had been a notorious thief and murder who was holding the villages chief hostage within his great straw palace. I smiled in spite of myself and offered to help. In short order the chief was freed expressing his gratitude by awarding me Bills straw palace. I mumbled some thanks and was intent on getting some sleep before I tried to figure out what to do next, but when i entered the straw palace I saw something amazing. The Room was filled with gold,jewels,diamonds, and everything else that you can imagine. Bill had evidently stolen it all having killed the owners by way of man-eating giraffe. It was at this point that I decided to fuck my mission... fuck trying to find it, i'd just buy one.

Instead I decided to write a book. Having experienced quite enough on this journey to know that at the very least it was an Opera's pick. I quickly sat down and after much humming and hawing, I began.

Hello, my name is Albert. Take a Look at this picture. This, though you may not believe it is the end point...

Want to hear the next exciting part of the story? Want to hear how it began? Then send in more picture links.

Tired of writing,

Stuart from Canada

p.s the internet is stupid, sorry