Around the World in 12 Hours

Hello everybody,

Having now recovered from our medical ailments and feeling as good as new, I celebrated by spending 49 pence (that's cents to you!) on a Mint Aero chocolate bar. Little did I know that, evidently, they stopped producing Mint Aero in Britain more than a year ago. For what I had purchased was, without doubt, the single most past its prime chocolate bar ever sold. This thing not only looked like it had just been irradiated, but it tasted like ash and left a filmy coating in your mouth.

Anyway, the big news today was that Stuart and I realized it had been an awful long time since we'd done any real travelling. So we bought some cheap tickets from Ryanair and did a whistelstop tour of the world - in 12 hours. These were the highlights of our trip:

Destination 1: Rome, Italy

Stuart and I decided to kickstart our travels in Rome, where we saw a bunch of cool Italian things. Stuart and I sipped expresso on a riverboat in Venice, admired the David in Florence, and staged a gladiator fight in the Colosseum. Note to fellow travellers: the Roman Police frown upon gladiator battles in their heritage sites.

Destination 2: Agra, India
Next we took a long plane ride to the Jewel of the old British Empire and saw the glorious Taj Mahal! We also rode an elephant, won ten million rupees, and contracted typhus in a public washroom. Note to fellow travellers: the Indian Police frown upon walking or bathing in the fountain at the Taj Mahal.

Destination 3: Beijing, China
Stuart and I ended our journeys in exotic China, where we participated in a festival at Tiananmen Square. It was sort of like the Edinburgh Tattoo, only they showed off their modern weapons as well. We met a really cool guy who was there to busk as a human statue. How cool! Note to fellow travellers: the Chinese Police frown upon everything.

Anyway, now we're sitting back at home, knackered from flying around the world and being yelled at by over 50 different policing authorities. If any of you have any sway with Interpol, please contact us immediately.

Until tomorrow then,

John from Canada