Mother's Day

Hey y'all,

Today Stuart and I got had in a little con that I like to call the "Chester Street Switch". Here's how it goes:

Step 1: Smoke 100 cigarettes.
Step 2: Break the dishwasher.
Step 3: Strip the sheets of the beds and place them CAREFULLY on the floor.
Step 4: When the house is inspected, be indignant about the chance that they'll deduct something from their deposit for the broken dishwasher and stale smell of cigarettes that will be IMPOSSIBLE to remove.
Step 5: Time your taxis to arrive at this moment, placing you in an obvious rush.
Step 6: Get them to call the landlord, who is also in a rush, and tell him (who cannot see exactly HOW broken the dishwasher is or HOW stale the smell of cigarettes is) that the house is in perfect order besides the dishwasher, and you are not to blame.
Step 7: Get full deposit back, and run like hell.

Are you watching? Here's the switch:

Step 8: When the house inspected in more detail after you've left, the sheets you've CAREFULLY placed will no doubt be moved, revealing the MASSIVE and UNREMOVABLE makeup stains you've left from apparently having a 12-year-old's knowledge of makeup application.
Step 9: Laugh it up on your way to Ireland.

The genius of the Chester Street Switch is that the dishwasher distracts the inspectors and makes them take a less detailed look around the house. When the worry of the dishwasher is resolved, the inspectors are so relieved they'll give you the deposit back no problem.

Feel free to try this one out if you're a member of a completely amoral witch-coven that (also) left what appears to be goat's blood stains and chalk for drawing pentagrams around the house.

Hmph.

Happy Mother's Day,

John from Canada

TIP OF THE DAY: Don't forget to also set an alarm for when September ends. Strangers and Green Day fans can be unreliable.







P.S: The Best Of section has been updated to meet our mandatory badass-ness standard.